Judge Not, Lest Ye...

I had a total book/cover moment recently. Describing an upcoming first date, I said, "He's not bad-looking, but he's is obviously totally awkward. Look at his smile in that photo! It looks pained. He's gonna be a huge geek! I am not looking forward to this one."

Imagine my surprise when the moment arrived and J_____ was totally pleasant. He's developing drugs to fight multiple sclerosis (an issue dear to my heart), and he sails and golfs in his free time. He was definitely not suave, but he was smart and interesting and I thought we hit it off. Actually, I figured I had pretty well charmed him. At the end, he mentioned going salsa dancing, and I warmly agreed. I walked home thinking he was pretty lucky to have met a cute girl like me, who doesn't judge him for being a bit nerdy. Contrary to my expectations, I looked forward to hearing from him again.

And then...You guessed it! I didn't. Not a peep. Silencio. Pin drop. A great hush. No salsa dancing. No nothing.

http://diapersanddivinity.com/2011/07/06/humble-pie/









Make mine sugar-free, if you please.

Doctor Love

(What does it say that I have all kinds of real dates, but the moments that inspire blog posts are all the brushes-with-boys? For one, the full-on dates require more editing. For another...sigh...yes, the thrill is in the chase...)

Anyway...Ladies! I caught up with the ER doc again! Yes, it's true. I almost couldn't believe my good luck. And yet, cruel irony, our meeting found yours truly in full, queasy, post-surgical haze of only slightly-worn-off general anesthesia. I could barely lift my head or complete a sentence, and I might add that Blondie had not yet been handed her spectacles, so our meeting was definitely a foggy one in all senses of the word.

Vincent Van Gogh, "Selfportrait with fur hat, bandaged ear and tobacco pipe," 1889.

Remove the fur hat and tobacco pipe, add a hospital Johnny and retain the dazed expression. This is a decent interpretation of Blondie during her 2nd pass at El Doctore.

As far as I can recall, he commented on my low heart rate and asked if that was normal. [Answer: Come a little closer and let's see if we can't speed it up!] Then, he asked for a smile. [Nothing too romantic -- he was checking to make sure my facial nerves were intact. They were.]

Prior to the procedure, I had boldly admitted to my nurse and my surgeon that I thought he was dreamy. They seemed amused, and someone commented that he might be married. Boo.* Still, no one had mentioned that he would be stopping by. Maybe they sent him as a post-operative surprise? I won't look that blurry gift-horse in the mouth.

*I have scant few rules, but that, of course, is one of them. There are sooo many fish in the sea that there is no need to dip into other gal's nets. If this gets confirmed, he's off the list, plain and simple. Until then: fair game!

Romantic Thriathalon

Do's and Don'ts for a Three-First-Dates Sunday

image: www.womanaroundtown.com

DO make sure all three dates are within walking distance from your house.

Also, DO wear comfortable shoes.
DON'T blow your lead. If you have 10 minutes before you have to leave for the next date, don't start folding laundry, reading another chapter in your book, or doing one more chore in the kitchen.

DO buy a few bags of frozen veggies -- there will be scant time for workweek-food prep in between seeing your suitors.

DON'T schedule them all exactly back-to-back. You'll need time to change your shirt if it's a hot day.

DO take a moment to refresh your memory about each gentleman before each date. There is nothing worse than asking, "So, do you have any siblings?" when he has already told you over email that he just returned from a trip to Brazil with his sister, who also happens to be his best friend in the whole, wide, world.

What's more, DO practice saying the person's name once or twice, especially if, say, two of the guys have names that right with each other ("Thanks for the tea, Ronald. I mean, DONALD!").
DON'T do anything silly like stuff your still-damp hair under your sunhat the hour before Date #1, imagining that this will somehow "set" your summer-humidity curls. If you do, you may find yourself with five minutes to fix a situation like this:

Then again, if such a situation arises,
DO play it off like it was exactly the look you
were going for! image: www.myspaceantics.com

DON'T forget to take a moment of quiet in between rendezvous, to cleanse your palate and get centered. By Numero Tres, you may start to feel a tad winded.

DO pinch yourself as you're hurrying to meet Mr. Third, since, what a fun life you live!

Dewey vs. Cupid or "I Think My Librarian is Trying to Tell Me Something"

I knew the public library was an information treasure trove. It hadn't occurred to me that I would get relationship advice without cracking a book!

Nagging My Way Into/Out Of His Heart

My follow-up on the allergy-ridden sound guy is slow in coming, as I am still shaking my head over my unimpressive showing.

The stage was well set, giving him both the opening salvo and the chance to poke fun at me -- universal good omens. I came around a corner and he was on the other side, shushing people because a speech was underway in the nearby auditorium.

Him: I should have known it would be you making all that noise!
Me: [Adorable guilty-as-charged face.]

Pause to allow crowd to file into auditorium.

Me: [Whispering now, out of necessity, and, necessarily, leaning in closer to be heard] Did you try the Neti Pot yet? I'm telling you, it changed my life!
Him: [Whispering in kind] I promise, I'll try it, then I'll report back to you.

Gulp! At this point, friends, I admit, I am startled. He had been so standoffish before, I couldn't believe he was so readily creating some reason for future interactions. That's the only excuse I have for what came out of my mouth next...

Me: Yes, you definitely have to! And, also, you need to stop smoking! It makes your allergies so much worse.

Blimey! Stop smoking?? Immediately, I see the error of my ways. Without waiting for a response, I flash what I hope is my most winning smile, then scamper off to sit through the lecture and ponder such an amateurish slip. When consulted, my favorite workplace wingwoman comments, "Ooh, aggressive!"

Who cares that I would never actually date a smoker, and that this entire flirtation is moot. The point is simply to prolong it! And here, gentle reader, I have nipped it in the bud. Or, butt, as the case may be. Pity me.

Brawling with Bonaparte

Small man, large equine!
image: http://www.knowledgerush.com

I go for long-stemmed dudes. I do. We'll get into the "why" later, but, suffice it to say, no matter how chivalrous a gent is, he tends not to light my fire if I tower over him (all 5'4" of me).

Still, I got a new perspective after recently lamenting the vertical challenges of some otherwise appealing boy, when my friend dryly replied, "I don't really go for tall guys. I like to be face-to-face when I fight."

Which makes sense... unless he rides a horse!